I didn’t want to write about my recital. It was so perfect in my memory I didn’t want to touch it for fear my words might rewrite the experience. But there was this one moment, this one beautiful moment…
When I made it to the last movement, almost everyone in tears (including myself), I was waiting for my friends to join me on stage. I had asked some of them ahead of time if they could come up, but in the moment only two of them did. I looked up at the audience and felt this fear. What if no one else comes? We can’t end this piece with only three people!
So I took matters into my own hands…literally. I just went up to people with my hands outstretched, eyes pleading, please, please come with me, help me. And every single person did. Till I finally turned around and watched all of The Wild Beast occupants standing together, supporting each other, singing with me.
We heard my mom’s voice and I wished them “Be well.” And that moment…that moment is one of the single most powerful moments of human connection I have ever experienced.
My words can’t do it justice. Here is the link if you’re curious (this moment comes at the end): 7 Stages/Coping
(If you do want to watch and want the program I think it’s helpful to following what’s going on so let me know!)
And the link to my dad’s reaction which was far more eloquently written than my own: May the Circle be Unbroken
It has been a year since I created this blog. I got the notification this morning, and it’s caused me to be a bit reflective today. A year ago I felt desperate. Trapped in a life that felt no longer like my own. Stuck down a path that I felt like I had willingly chosen, but not truly considered the consequences of my choices. I created this blog as a way to escape. Writing has always done this for me, allowed me my piece of escapism. It helps me sort through my emotions and come to reason with my over-analytic thoughts. Even though I have not been able to post consistently since my move to California, I still think starting this blog is one of the best life choices I have made. It started me down a road of my own choosing, and steered me in a healthier direction, towards life.
One year ago today, I felt like I HAD to share my writing about the struggles of having a parent with Alzheimer’s. I think about why this was, and I think it’s because I’m not able to communicate in conversation the way I am in words. What I really needed was a way to find my voice, and to feel like I was finally being heard and understood. I found that here through the WordPress community. I found people who read my words and connected with me, and shared their own stories that I could relate to. I read stories that brought tears to my eyes and was told I had done the same. I opened up this channel of human connection and interaction that I know I was lacking in my life away from the keyboard, and honestly, I think that has changed my whole life.
I got the courage to apply for my MFA in Creative Writing. This is something I have always dreamed of doing, but never thought I really could. The kind of dream where a child says, “I’m going to be a movie star when I grow up!” and you say, “Sure, kid, whatever you say.” That’s the kind of dream this was for me. Mostly, I was terrified that by applying I would find out what I always dreaded….I wouldn’t be good enough for a writing program. I got an email saying my documents were ready to be viewed and I literally started shaking. I read the first three words “We are delighted” and my eyes began to tear. I got accepted! I actually applied for two different programs, music and writing, and got accepted to both. This is honestly something I had not thought was possible. Something this, seemingly insignificant, blog helped me facilitate.
I have three jobs that I LOVE here in California, and my life is probably the busiest it has ever been. I cannot promise to post or read with any sort of consistency, but I will not give up this blog, and I will not forget the positive change it has brought about in my life. I would like the people I have interacted with to know that I still think of them and their blogs often. Something I read in a post or comment will still make me smile or be a topic of conversation. I cherish the bloggers I have crossed paths with time and time again, as they have been my teachers in this new domain. Thank you WordPress community, it has been an incredible year.
After about a month of no computer to use, my new laptop has finally arrived! I know a huge part of the blogging community is interacting with other bloggers and I have been lacking, to say the least, in that department. Now that I have a laptop and don’t have to stare at my tiny phone screen I hope to catch up with my favorite blogs and hopefully find some great new ones to explore! This is a short post for now because I’m still setting my new computer up, but I have a lot to catch up on in terms of some new pieces I’ve written AND the fact that I’ll be driving across the country in just 10 days and I hope to blog about my adventures and share lots of pictures of that journey!!
It’s good to be back!!!!!
I haven’t been using WordPress much because my computer keeps crashing and it’s hard to use the phone app to make posts and manage my blog. It’s not even two years old, but the screen keeps turning black on me after just a few minutes. I bought a new cable for my monitor and restored the computer back to factory settings. It worked for maybe a day and then I updated my graphics driver and it changed my screen resolution and continued to crash…. Anyone have any idea what’s wrong?!?
Anyway, I know I’ve had some crazy life stuff happening and some of the comments I received have made me think my readers are concerned…well I am okay!!! Just my computer is not. 😦
Seriously, if you have any guesses as to what’s wrong let me know!
And here are some pictures of my kitties being almost friends because why not. 🙂