U is for Uniform, #AtoZChallenge

Oh, look how lame we’ve become!

Trading our senses just to feel numb.

Investing more into poisoned hallucinations

than potential creativity and imagination.

 

And our darkest secrets have become

broadcasted for a handsome sum.

We’ve got nothing more to prove,

abandoned pride, it’s style to lose.

 

Fashion we use as a lethal weapon.

Don’t mistake these clothes for a second.

Dress to please, but you or me?

I’d say myself, but look who I’m trying to be.

T is for Tears, #AtoZChallenge

Tears stain faces,

Clinging like evening shadows.

Lips tremble, kissed by cold,

Moisture stolen, chapped, blistered.

 

Saline soaked cheeks

Drenched in humiliation.

A blush of remorse,

Red haze to tinge a guilty conscience.

 

Strangers crowd into a stuffy room

Clothed in dark, robes of night,

To pay respects to a deadly visitor.

The breath of death on a cool breeze.

 

Their faces stand clear,

Set in stone, gray and grave.

Eyes blank, but knowing.

What do they know?

 

Madness. It must be.

But no one shivers,

Shaking with loss.

No one mutters regret.

 

Panic. Disorder.

Non-existent for the moment.

Such an odd display,

People just nodding their heads,

 

Ignorant to disaster,

Or maybe it was planned.

Tears stain faces.

What wipes the slate clean?

 

 

S is for Sacrifice, #AtoZChallenge

Slowly, dragging out this one stance,

the apologetic nod of approval

convinces wavering confidence

to continue in the inhalation

of time and tranquility welded as one.

Matched like playing cards

dropped in sun’s dripping rays,

melting upon upturned faces,

fading out to the corner of the mind.

Blank and dull, cobwebs collect to a colony

while a drowsy smile slides out of tune.

A wreath of regret drifts lazily in the evening

sending smokey shivers down the spine.

Sweet toxin sipped from a gold chalice

dribbles down a craving throat,

hungering for this appetite of desire.

Memories turn blurry, smudging focus obsolete.

Eyelids droop to battered lashes,

crying out for some liquid relief.

 

 

R is for Rough Draft for Starting Over, #AtoZChallenge

 

“I need coffee like a junkie needs dope!”

She laughs and injects liquid gold

straight to her vein where it colors

from blue-green to murky brown.

“It wakes me up and makes me feel good.

Look,” she says, “look at my smile.”

And takes a knife to the corners,

widening her grin in jagged edges.

“This doesn’t happen on its own.”

She says, “This can’t just happen you know,

something has to make a smile.

It can’t just happen.”

Sweat is beading on her upper lip,

her forehead slick and moist,

hands are clammy, trembling.

She says, “LOOK at me.”

She says, “Look at ME!”

 

 

P is for Picture, #AtoZChallenge

I wanted to explain the picture I used in my last post, O is for One Perfect Moment, #AtoZChallenge.

Goodbye

I went home for Christmas this winter thinking it would be the last time I saw my mom. My flight back to California was ridiculously early so I had to say goodbye the night before. I asked my dad to tell me when it was time to say goodnight and he let me know when Mom was finally ready to go to bed. I went to her and tried to stay really happy and positive, giving her a hug and saying goodnight. It was quick because I didn’t want to think too hard about the situation, but as soon as I left the room I realized I forgot to tell her I loved her.

I had to go back in, I knew I needed to tell her in person because it might be the last opportunity I got to do so. My sister came in after and while I was hugging my mom on one side, my dad hugged her on the other side and she took this perfect picture. In it we all have genuine smiles. We are holding onto each other and although the practical reason is we have to hold on to Mom to help her keep her balance, in the picture it just looks like a warm embrace (which it also was). When I look at the picture I can’t tell my mom has Alzheimer’s. I see happiness, love, family. That’s why I was inspired to write the poem that I did.

I don’t like to talk about perfection, because I think it’s generally an unobtainable and unrealistic goal. I see this picture though, and it really is one perfect moment.

N is for Nuisance, #AtoZChallenge

I am the fly buzzing in your ear,

flitting this way and that,

just out of reach of your

frantically waving hands.

 

I am the parched, cracked sponge,

caked with gummy grime

and specks of ancient food.

 

I am the lip in the sidewalk

that thrusts from the earth,

uneven and begging

for your foot to make contact.

 

I am the nail in your tire,

letting your air escape

in a slow hissssss

until your tire sinks,

drooping against the pavement

as I proudly perch in my new home.

 

I am the haunting whisper in your head

that calmly reminds you,

“You aren’t good enough.

You can’t do this.

You are flawed beyond repair.”

 

I am nagging dread.

I am lingering doubt.

I am creeping fear.

I am persistent anxiety.

 

I am constant, unrelenting,

but you have a choice.

 

What will you do with me?

M is for Make Mistakes, #AtoZChallenge

Whenever one of my music students makes a mistake and apologizes for it, I tell them don’t apologize for learning. Making mistakes teaches us what not to do so that we learn what we really should be doing. This doesn’t just apply to playing music, it carries throughout our lives.

Nobody likes the feeling of when they mess up, but if we could change our perspectives around mistakes I’m sure we’d do a better job managing regret.

I’m not saying I’ve mastered this concept, but I’m working on it.

One of my 5th grade classes is working on the song Try Everything by Shakira for their Spring Concert. It was featured in the movie Zootopia. I love the lyrics of this song because the message is saying it’s okay to fail as long as you keep trying. One of the lines is actually “I’ll keep on making those new mistakes, I’ll keep on making them everyday”. This is said as a positive!

I still am very hard on myself when I make mistakes, but I’m getting better at putting it back into perspective.

 

What is your perspective on making mistakes? How do you deal with them?

L is for L’appel Du Vide, #AtoZChallenge

I don’t remember where I learned this phrase from, but I found it fascinating that such a phrase exists. The definition from Wikipedia is this: “L’appel du vide, literally “the call of the void”, is a French phrase used to refer to intrusive thoughts, or the urge to engage in destructive behaviors during everyday life. Examples include thinking about swerving in to the opposite lane while driving, or feeling the urge to jump off a cliff edge while standing on it.”

I tried to make a poem to capture this phrase’s meaning, but I found it really difficult! Here’s my attempt:

 

L’appel Du Vide

This is it.

This, this is the moment.

The moment you look down.

You look down and see,

See an escape beckoning

From high above.

 

On the perch of a cliff

The world seems quiet.

So quiet thoughts

Sneak in on silent haunches,

Padding by common sense.

 

Look down, down,

Down into the abyss.

Imagine the fall,

Tumbling over and over,

Wind rushing by,

And this strange silence

That pervades your senses-

This moment of clarity.

J is for Jokes, #AtoZChallenge

Sometimes I try to be funny. I like to think I’m good at making people laugh, but who doesn’t??

My sense of humor can be dark, satirical, biting, and sometimes I’m just plain silly.

We started these top ten lists in high school. They weren’t meant to be funny or sarcastic, but of course I made it that way. So here’s an example of the jokes I make. May it make you laugh or at least chance a flicker of movement in your lips that somewhat resembles a smile.

 

Top Ten Reasons People Welcome Global Warming:

  1. “Pale” went out of style fifty years ago.
  2. Boots are no longer made for snow-wear.
  3. Bathing suits are cheaper than winter jackets.
  4. Heat is expensive.
  5. Frost bite is more serious than global flooding.
  6. We’ve already invented life vests.
  7. Titanic fans run a very convincing anti-glacier campaign.
  8. Skin cancer is curable.
  9. The human race is indestructible.
  10. If Earth is destroyed we could totally move to Mars or something.

I is for I’ve Done This Before, #AtoZChallenge

I’ve done this before-

Watched a cold sunrise

In the darkest blue

That matched your eyes.

 

The grey dawn rose

With mist seeping through.

Stood tall with skin drenched in thought,

Stood small when I thought of you.

 

I’ve seen this before-

Decay in evening sky,

Sunlight dying with a soft glow,

The moon was your reply.

 

Night came creeping in

To replace a faded day.

It seemed light was useless,

But that was always your way.

 

I’ve felt this before-

Pressure breathing hot.

At first I thought I recognized,

But now I realize I forgot.

 

A stranger’s face blurred my sight,

Lifted my hands to match the stars.

You shined so bright I couldn’t see your heart.

No, I couldn’t find the light without some dark.

 

I’ve been here before-

In an unfamiliar place.

I thought I’d be with you,

But you’ve grown that stranger’s face.

 

I won’t cry anymore,

And I’ll take back my blame,

Because we’ve both changed so much

Still expecting to be the same.

 

I’ve done this before-

Watched a cold sunrise

In the darkest blue

That matched your eyes.